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ImageKurt Braunohler’s debut album How Do I Land is a remarkable first entry – Kurt’s been producing comedy online through various web series’ for about a decade, and can often be seen doing sketches with Kristen Schaal of Flight of the Conchords fame.  This last year he hosted a short-lived IFC show entitled Bunk, which if you haven’t seen, you have something in common with everyone you will meet in your entire lifetime. Read More »

Woah!  It’s been a year since I’ve updated this thing that I originally only had two posts in in the first place, both remarkably politically motivated, even for me.  It’s not like 2012 was an election year (it was), but even so… wow.

Well, I recently came up with a few other things I can do with this site, and we’ll see which work and which don’t (quick hint – most of them will not work), but this will be a good exercise?  Who knows anymore.

First, I want to nail down a simple format for newsposts that seem to be coming up every single week as the election draws to a close; I’ll let

[Sitting/Running Republican Congressperson] was recently quoted as saying [something offensive about rape/abortion/women’s rights].  When asked about it later, the politician was quoted as saying, “I don’t know how anyone could interpret what I said as meaning [exactly word for word what they said].  But if anyone did interpret my words using their literal meaning, I regret that.”

When asked for a comment, the [Republican Presidential/Vice-Presidential Nominee’s Campaign Manager in Order to Give the Nominees Distance In Case this Reaches the Mainstream Media Instead of Just Blogs, as the Saturation of These Quotes Means Despicably They Won’t All Reach the National Level] responded, “We still support [this ignorant mysogynist asshole], while not necessarily adhering to all of their views.”

I’m not going to make a list of these articles (because a better writer than I has already so) and I’m not going to tell you just how much Richard Mourdock deserves everything coming his way, because honestly, there’s remarkably little to debate.

Why does it seem like so many of our far-right congresspeople think women are responsible if they’re raped?  Even more importantly, these super-conservative Republicans over and over again are quoted as saying that it’s the raped woman’s fault if she gets pregnant after being attacked and abused.

I know you’re in a tight spot, conservative Christian Republicans; your beliefs (real or feigned for political power) essentially say you cannot take a life, and your Christian organizations have either convinced or peer-pressured you into believing that a fetus is a life.  Despite the fact that almost everyone out there agrees with you that murder is pretty much not great, a significant number of them just don’t agree that a fetus is a life.  So if elected, you either need to try to keep fetus’ from being destroyed, or act like you want to keep fetus’ from being destroyed so you can be re-elected.

And now you’re running for office.  People start to ask questions about abortion.  Your hands get sweaty.  In each of these cases, the politician never seems to just volunteer their real intent to govern if elected, without any qualification.  If, while in office, you don’t want to allow women to ever get abortions, say that.  If you only would allow abortions when it would save the woman’s life, and at no other times, say that.  If you believe in the woman’s right to choose up until a certain week or month, say that.  Just say it.

It’s especially bad news for Romney, since unlike the various other Republican gaffes when it comes to women’s issues, this one has reached the national level, and he’s now on the record as supporting Mourdock despite saying “raped women don’t deserve abortions, they just didn’t know they’re a part of my God’s great plan, and in His infinite love, He allowed her to be raped and now carry the child of that rapist to term, forever living with the consequences of actions no rational person would accuse her of being responsible for.”

Oh, and one last thing; apparently in Pennsylvania there’s now a proposed bill that will penalize low-income women’s welfare if they cannot “prove” they were raped.  Well, Pennsylvania lawmakers, that sounds fair enough to me; I think I can actually get on board with this, with one caveat… if you want women to have to prove they were raped to get benefits, you need to prove that Mourdock’s god exists first.

Ask yourself; how often have you thought about Ann Coulter in the month leading up to today? In the year?

I ask because two days ago sent out this tweet, saying: “I highly approve of Romney’s decision to be kind and gentle to the retard.” Presumably “that retard” is a reference to Obama in the recent debates, although if so, it demonstrates Ann Coulter has a complete and utter lack of understanding of what a debate is.

Coulter Lookin' Ironically Confused

It’s that thing where you yell until the other person divorces you, right?

And then, less than a day later, this tweet saying: “Obama: “Stage 3 Romneysia” – because cancer references are HILARIOUS. If he’s “the smartest guy in the room” it must be one retarded room.”

This second one actually confused me, as it made me wonder if this was a delightfully ironic follow-up to the previous tweet, a kind of response to the negative feedback she got for the first one, or perhaps a subtle, underhanded apology. It’s almost as though she was saying “Hey guys, I know I said something hurtful about people with learning disabilities, but I also think amnesia is a kind of cancer, so why am I someone you would take seriously?” Not to mention the implicit irony of saying, essentially, “Don’t make fun of people getting cancer treatments, that’s something only a retard would do.”

Honestly, though, I continue to give less than an anorexic, constipated hummingbird’s poop about Ann Coulter.   You know why? Because her response to these two tweets was… “I’m on inside edition tonight!”

Tied Up Coulter

“Why won’t the liberal media let my voice be heard?!?”

That’s right; she made a splash, now she’s on inside edition. She got what she wanted; she’s in the spotlight for another few days out of the year, like some kind of annual eclipse of good-sense, or like if instead of springtime allergies, your nasal cavities filled up with the stench of insufferable attention-monger for a week.

And was anyone seriously surprised that Ann “Jews are Just Confused Christians” Coulter said something offensive? Let’s play a little game; I’ll give you three examples of quotes Ann Coulter could have said, but only one of them will be true.  See if you can spot it.

1. “If we take away women’s right to vote, we’d never have to worry about another Democrat President. It’s sort of a pipe dream, a personal fantasy of mine.”

2. “Apparently you have to go to rehab if you use the word ‘faggot,’ so I’m kind of at an impasse, can’t talk about Edwards.”

3. (refering to 9/11 widows) “These self-obsessed women seem genuinely unaware that 9-11 was an attack on our nation and acted as if the terrorist attacks happened only to them.  I’ve never seen people enjoying their husbands’ deaths so much.”

So which did you think was the true one?  Oh wait, none of them were made up.

Ann Coulter

“Yeah, you know me; I’m really concerned with political correctness” – Ann Coulter, Never

This is literally all she does; it’d be like a Kardashian being slutty, or a pastor of the Westburough Baptist Church touching some man-boy on his “no-no zone”, or Lindsey Lohan getting caught snorting coke in a rehab center, or literally any other uni-dimensional cliche fulfilling their public persona’s stereotype.  Ann Coulter lives to attack the other team using as insane a tactic as she can possibly imagine, just to derail discourse and get attention.  It’s the same when Rush Limbaugh cracks open his flubbery lips, or Sarah Palin shoots some piece of the American Wildlife. [Yes, I know I am only picking on the right-wing ridiculosos, but I can’t think of a single left-wing person who does this.  I’d prefer you view this as more telling about my preferences, rather than an ‘insight’ into American political parties.]

I’m not going to get mad, though, because I know she doesn’t mean it, because she doesn’t mean… anything.  Her entire being is singularly focused  towards desperately seeking as much attention as possible, with no possible end reward except a sinking and desperate desire for more of that attention.

So, I’m not going to give that to her – I’m just skipping ahead a week to when I would completely forget about Ann Coulter for another year.

Who is this?

Who is this lifeless mask of a human being again?  She looks like a prototype wheat thresher.

Who’s with me?