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Ask yourself; how often have you thought about Ann Coulter in the month leading up to today? In the year?

I ask because two days ago sent out this tweet, saying: “I highly approve of Romney’s decision to be kind and gentle to the retard.” Presumably “that retard” is a reference to Obama in the recent debates, although if so, it demonstrates Ann Coulter has a complete and utter lack of understanding of what a debate is.

Coulter Lookin' Ironically Confused

It’s that thing where you yell until the other person divorces you, right?

And then, less than a day later, this tweet saying: “Obama: “Stage 3 Romneysia” – because cancer references are HILARIOUS. If he’s “the smartest guy in the room” it must be one retarded room.”

This second one actually confused me, as it made me wonder if this was a delightfully ironic follow-up to the previous tweet, a kind of response to the negative feedback she got for the first one, or perhaps a subtle, underhanded apology. It’s almost as though she was saying “Hey guys, I know I said something hurtful about people with learning disabilities, but I also think amnesia is a kind of cancer, so why am I someone you would take seriously?” Not to mention the implicit irony of saying, essentially, “Don’t make fun of people getting cancer treatments, that’s something only a retard would do.”

Honestly, though, I continue to give less than an anorexic, constipated hummingbird’s poop about Ann Coulter.   You know why? Because her response to these two tweets was… “I’m on inside edition tonight!”

Tied Up Coulter

“Why won’t the liberal media let my voice be heard?!?”

That’s right; she made a splash, now she’s on inside edition. She got what she wanted; she’s in the spotlight for another few days out of the year, like some kind of annual eclipse of good-sense, or like if instead of springtime allergies, your nasal cavities filled up with the stench of insufferable attention-monger for a week.

And was anyone seriously surprised that Ann “Jews are Just Confused Christians” Coulter said something offensive? Let’s play a little game; I’ll give you three examples of quotes Ann Coulter could have said, but only one of them will be true.  See if you can spot it.

1. “If we take away women’s right to vote, we’d never have to worry about another Democrat President. It’s sort of a pipe dream, a personal fantasy of mine.”

2. “Apparently you have to go to rehab if you use the word ‘faggot,’ so I’m kind of at an impasse, can’t talk about Edwards.”

3. (refering to 9/11 widows) “These self-obsessed women seem genuinely unaware that 9-11 was an attack on our nation and acted as if the terrorist attacks happened only to them.  I’ve never seen people enjoying their husbands’ deaths so much.”

So which did you think was the true one?  Oh wait, none of them were made up.

Ann Coulter

“Yeah, you know me; I’m really concerned with political correctness” – Ann Coulter, Never

This is literally all she does; it’d be like a Kardashian being slutty, or a pastor of the Westburough Baptist Church touching some man-boy on his “no-no zone”, or Lindsey Lohan getting caught snorting coke in a rehab center, or literally any other uni-dimensional cliche fulfilling their public persona’s stereotype.  Ann Coulter lives to attack the other team using as insane a tactic as she can possibly imagine, just to derail discourse and get attention.  It’s the same when Rush Limbaugh cracks open his flubbery lips, or Sarah Palin shoots some piece of the American Wildlife. [Yes, I know I am only picking on the right-wing ridiculosos, but I can’t think of a single left-wing person who does this.  I’d prefer you view this as more telling about my preferences, rather than an ‘insight’ into American political parties.]

I’m not going to get mad, though, because I know she doesn’t mean it, because she doesn’t mean… anything.  Her entire being is singularly focused  towards desperately seeking as much attention as possible, with no possible end reward except a sinking and desperate desire for more of that attention.

So, I’m not going to give that to her – I’m just skipping ahead a week to when I would completely forget about Ann Coulter for another year.

Who is this?

Who is this lifeless mask of a human being again?  She looks like a prototype wheat thresher.

Who’s with me?

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